Dysfunctional Thoughts: 2018 02 18 – On Expectation on Children


Anger, disappointment and contempt when dealing with children with performance under expectation, the thoughts leads to negatives actions, subtle and front action

Emotion – Pre

  1. Disappointment: 80%
  2. Anger: 85%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. Why can’t he figure that out after being … ? (Explained, trained several times, repeated, …) – Control, Generalization. Magnification
  2. How can he cope later when he grow up and performing sub par? – Crystal Ball?
  3. If he fail then I failed? – Personalization
  4. Why should he succeed? We should all succeed, we as me and my family – Should?

Rational Thoughts

  1. Generalization
    1. He did understand other fields, just not strong on the logic field
    2. He did understand after several repetition on those fields he is not accustomed with, he got good grades after trying so hard
    3. He did try to learn and even show self correcting on his failures
    4. He is strong in memorizing languages and had extensive vocabulary, relentless effort are a big PLUS
    5. He is tidy and clean and follow rules
  2. Magnification
    1. Just several fields not all of them, there are so many aspects of life where people even succeed, 90% of them are not logic type and have stellar performance but manage to pull through life
  3. Control & Personalization
    1. By being angry and try to control him, I won’t change him, I just force him to do things which are not effective
    2. His life is his life, I can only support and spend effort on training and directing him, the rest is his will and decission
    3. His performance whether good or bad doesn’t affected me directly, though it would make me proud if he can do great things, but even if he failed then it is okay, human and myself failed from time to time and it is the get up and try again that matters not just the ups nor the down
  4. Should
    1. I can’t even guarantee my own life will be successful, how can I guarantee others, even though I care for them, they are beyond my control.
    2. What is the measure of success that I want him to achieve? Smart, eloquent, bright, witty? He have some of them but not the others, myself included, the other kids included. Success when I can understand about myself and grow myself, developing on strength and reducing weakness are nice to have but it should be #999, #1 is exploring strength and #2 cultivating strength

Emotion – Post

  1. Disappointment: 0%
  2. Anger: 0%


  1. #1 Eye in on strength and spend the largest effort on cultivating them
  2. Appreciate him as a person with multidimensional capacity and whole wide of fields are open before him
  3. #999 – On weaknesses tolerate and perform the routine for repetition, don’t sweat it, different people have different way some fast some slow, some repeat

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 2018 02 08 – On Internal Project VS Client Project

1. I can deliver and feel in control when working on client projects, I can focus on what to do and accomplished them within time and resource
2. I felt overwhelmed for our own internal project, feel paralyzed when looking the big works that needed to be done

Emotion – Pre
1. Overwhelmed 80%
2. Anxious 70%

Automatic Thoughts
1. My work should be perfect because its my own, while client project are objective oriented. All of Nothing
2. I have to do everything myself and think of the big plan upto the smallest detail. Control. Should
3. I have only a very limited time and a lot of work.
4. If I don’t do them all the result are lackluster. Discarding positives.

Rational Thoughts
1. My work should also be objective oriented, there is no such thing as perfect work
2. I don’t have to work on everything, I can trust and delegate to others, I have the resources to delegate or hire what I need. I can focus on critical aspect and maintain focus and results evaluation. Thats how big work get accomplished. I can still work on the critical if I have the time and want to
3. I can’t expect everything to work perfectly and they didn’t have to, but the critical spot should be laser focused, my challange is to identify, focus and pivot as necessary
4. People around me are better on others things that I am not good at. They even can surpass me anytime

Emotion – Post
1. Overwhelmed 40%
2. Anxious 40%

1. Objective oriented and use time constraint
2. Focus on critical and delegate others
3. Planning and evaluation routine
4. Provide time to do some critical works

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 2018 02 04 – On Annoying and Anxious Inducing People

Some people act very annoyingly and making me and my team feel anxious everytime they comment on anything

Emotion – Pre
Anger 60%
Anxious 80%

Automatic Thoughts – Hot Thoughts
1. These stupid incompetent people, they didn’t know what they’re doing.
2. They exaggerating small things and didn’t focus on the key factors
3. Our effort to provide responsive support are being undermined and they are making our work even harder for the sake of fulfilling their non sensical demands
4. They should just sit still, and let us do the work.

Rational Thoughts – Cool Thoughts
1. They don’t know everything, just the same like me and everyone else, they don’t have to understand everything. They have tried to understand and in their best effort try to communicate and feel frustrated also
2. They are frustrated by all the small things also and need to see resolution and reassurred that things are moving forward
3. They are actually waiting and starting to get frustrated after some time and give “reactions” after that, I need to provide them latest status and progresses
4. They want to work and want to help but don’t know better

Emotion – Post
Anger 20%
Anxious 20%

1. Identify their frustration level and cause
2. Provide ease for their frustration by giving response of empathy and solution

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 2018 02 02 – On Retaining People

Team resign symptoms or request

Emotion Pre
Anxious 80%

Automatic Thoughts 
1. We’re not good enough – Discarding Positives
2. They are leaving / abandon us – Mind Reading

Rational Thoughts
1. There are so many places with each good and bads, we’re not perfect but we’re doing our best and fix things up and that’s enough, we would like to provide good benefits and comfortable working environments.
2. People search for opportunities, it is natural if they find other opportunities and go for it, I will do the same

Emotion Post
Anxious 10%

1. Prepare with routine about how to periodically probe and talk with each team to know their condition
2. Provide incentives scheme for current and benefit package for blocking resignation  (ownership, bonus)

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 2018 01 29 – On Procastinating


  1. I have several big tasks and already scheduled them today in Google Calendar, 5 Tasks
  2. But I am procrastinating them, these tasks are already scheduled multiple times and I manage to dodge them until I can’t.

Emotion – Pre

  1. Overwhelmed: 80%

Automatic Thoughts 

  1. I can’t do it, so many details to be think about.
  2. I am not exactly ready to work on it, my energy level is not at peak
  3. I need time for background processing so I can complete them
  4. There are so many tasks on my plate, I am confuse which one to do and whether they are the most important tasks

Rational Thoughts 

  1. All or Nothing. Yes, there are details thats way I scheduled them and allocate time for them and create evernote post, paper scratch notes or mind map for putting all of details and make sure everything get done and not missed, if they are not completed within the allocated time I can scheduled them for next day.
  2. Emotional decision. Ready or not I should do it, sooner better than later, I might search for a conducive place or condition to do them without distraction and use podomori timer to increase probability of focus.

Emotion – Post 

  1. Overwhelmed: 25%


  1. Allocate time with podomori to increase chance of focus. Stop when allocated times is up and allocate more if really important
  2. Use the short planning routine 
  3. Use Scratch notes, evernote, or mind map for ensuring issues are inventoried and cleared.

The 2 Books at early 2018

I read 2 books, profound ones. First is the book about negotiation by Chris Voss and Feeling Good by David Burns, they both help me resolve my pressing and immediate problems. Thank God, for them, I gain a lot in handling communication with others and handling the internal communication within myself, both has been under pressure for quite some time.

They introduce practical, easy to use and the most important part “effective” in showing result not in a hacky short term way, but robust in gaining immediate result and survivable for long term use.

Never Split The Differences:

  1. Start with No
  2. That’s right, NOT You’re right, NOT I understand
  3. Accusation audit: say it yourself instead of by accusers
  4. Calibrated questions: What and how, NEVER Why, How can I do that?
  5. Tactical Emphaty: Label feelings, Mirroring, paraphrasing, show the way
  6. Find the black swan

Feeling Good

  1. Cognitive Dissonance
  2. Thoughts cause Emotion cause Behaviour and then self enforcing
  3. Emotion, find the Automatic thoughts, find Cognitive Dissonance, counter with Rational Thoughts, Cope
  4. Addiction: List all Benefits, Visualize achieving Benefits (Feeling rich ahead of time, is the counter example, you get loose and goes spend thrift, you change)
  5. Identify the Thoughts and Talkback
  6. Action First, Motivation Second
  7. Pleasure and Mastery activity planning and Target VS Actual scoring

The cognitive dissonance

  1. All or Nothing
  2. Personalization
  3. Exageration
  4. Mental Filter: see only the negatives
  5. Discarding Positives
  6. Labeling
  7. Emotional reasoning
  8. Should
  9. Mind reading
  10. Generalization
  11. Change
  12. Fair
  13. Reward
  14. Right
  15. Control


Teething problem is the worst, the new teeth is starting to push for the existing teeth. Swollen gum, discomfort, teeth falling off, toothless until the new teeth take the full form.

It’s just a discomforting experience that everybody should go through.

Collection of Timer Setup


  1. Work: 24 mins
    1. 3 mins x 8
  2. Closing + Break: 6 mins
    1. 1 min x 1 – prepare
    2. 5 min x 1 – break
  3. Work: 24 mins
    1. 3 mins x 8
  4. Closing + Break: 6 mins
    1. 1 min x 1 – prepare
    2. 5 min x 1 – break
  5. Work: 24 mins
    1. 3 mins x 8
  6. Closing + Break: 6 mins
    1. 1 min x 1 – prepare
    2. 5 min x 1 – break
  7. Work: 24 mins
    1. 3 mins x 8
  8. Closing + Break: 16 mins
    1. 1 min x 1 – prepare
    2. 15 min x 1 – break


  1. Prepare Tea + Honey: 2 mins
    1. 1 min x 2
  2. Shower: 5 mins
    1. 1 min x 5
  3. Breathing: 3 mins
    1. 10 secs x 18

Goal, Evaluate and Planning

  1. Write Goals and Sub Goals: 5 mins
    1. 1 min x 5
  2. Write Previous Activity: 3 mins
    1. 1 min x 3
  3. Evaluate Previous Activity: 5 mins
    1. 1 min x 5
    2. Energy up, down, how you feel, adjust, automate
  4. Plan Big & Small: 5 mins
    1. 1 min x 5
  5. Put in Schedule: 2 mins
    1. 1 min x 2
  6. Task Breakdown: 10 mins
    1. 1 min x 10

Awake Routine

  1. Wash Face: 2 mins
    1. 1 min x 2
  2. Drink 2 glass of water + VCO + Fish Oil: 3 mins
    1. 1 min x 3
  3. Walk & Be Grateful: 5 mins
    1. 1 min x 5
  4. Walk & Breathing: 5 mins
    1. 30 secs x 30
  5. Walk & Bless others: 5 mins
    1. 1 min x 5


  1. Set 1: 70 sec
    1. 5 secs x 14
  2. Break: 1 min
    1. 1 min x 1
  3. Set 2: 70 sec
    1. 5 secs x 14
  4. Break: 1 min
    1. 1 min x 1
  5. Set 3: 100 secs
    1. 5 secs x 20

Test #7: Ketosis using VCO to Increase Energy Level until Midday and Reducing Cholesterol


Ketosis using VCO to increase Energy Level until Midday and Reducing Cholesterol

Due Date / Duration
July 5, 2017 / 1 week

Step 1 – Hypothesis – Critical: 3
I believe that consuming VCO only without butter can produce the same energy level until Midday and reduce my cholesterol level, especially LDL from 151 to 100-130 (normal) or <100 (good)

Step 2 – Test – Cost: 1 – Reliability: 1 
To verify, I will

  1. Eat 2 tbsp of VCO during breakfast without butter,
  2. Using the following recipe
    1. Green Tea or Coffee

Step 3 – Metric – Time Required: 1
And measure

  1. Eat VCO: 0, 1 or 2 tbsp
  2. Energy Level until Lunch Time : low 1 – 5 high
  3. Hunger until Lunch Time: low 1 – 5 high
  4. Energy Level from Lunch until Afternoon: low 1 – 5 high
  5. Energy Level from Afternoon until midnight: low 1 – 5 high
  6. Neck discomfort: low 1 – 5 high
  7. Overall Health: feel side effects 1 – 5 prime health
  8. Cholesterol before starting and after finishing

Step 4 – Criteria

I am right if at the end of the test

  1. Energy Level until lunch : >=4
  2. Hunger until lunch: <= 3
  3. Energy Level until Afternoon : >= 3
  4. Energy Level until: not validated
  5. Neck discomfort: <= 1
  6. Overall Health >= 4


Step 1 – Hypothesis 

I believe that ==Same with above==

Step 2 – Observation – Reliability: 1

I observed

1 2 3 4 5 6 7
VCO (tbsp) 1 2  2 2 2  2  2
EL – Lunch 4 4  4 4  4  4  4
Hunger – Lunch 4 3  3 3  3  3  3
EL – Afternoon 4 4  4  4  4  4  4
EL – night 4 4  4  2  2  2  2
Neck Discomfort 2 2  2  2  2  2  2
Overall Health 4 4  4  4  4  4  4


  1. Cholesterol Before Test
    1. LDL: 151
    2. HDL: 53
    3. Total: 211
    4. Trigeliside: 88
  2. Day 1
    1. Slight more hunger on lunch time
  3. Day 2
    1. Hunger normal probably due to 2 tbsp
  4. Day 3
    1. Hunger normal, and good energy until night and no neck discomfort
  5. Day 4
    1. Didn’t take dinner, feeling low energy during the night
  6. Day 5
  7. Day 6
  8. Day 7
  9. Cholesterol After Test, havent done test yet 
  10. Heartrate 75-85 / minute

Step 3 – Learnings and Insights – Action Required: 1

From that I learned that

  1. 1 tbsp of VCO cause hunger in noon, but 2 tbsp VCO can keep the hunger normal
  2. No neck discomfort on taking VCO but when eating heavily fried food, discomfort appeared
  3. Late dinner also cause low energy in the night
  4. Late dinner cause me weight loss of 2kgs which I still try to recover
  5. Heart pulse also subsiding even to 75-85, but might be also caused by mental routine to relax and overcame anxiety by staying in God’s presence. 
  6. Also did tried adding butter again and felt slight discomfort

Step 4 – Decision and Actions

Therefore, I will

  1. Using VCO and fish oil instead of bulletproof (with butter)

Test #11: Evening/Night Review and Planning for effective day


Continuation from this Test #10: Evening/Night Review and Planning for effective

Obadaa: observe, analyze (Energy: is it working, what increase  energy, what decrease ebgery, right time/cycle), adjust (create rules, routine), automate (manual, eliminate)

Learning on the failure of the previous test, I created a modified routine and this time with a detailed to do items and timed for each item with total 45 minutes, and this include a recovery routine because I always felt tired when going to do the night review which lead to  


Evening/Night Review and Planning for effective day

Due Date / Duration
July 15, 2017  / 1 week

Step 1 – Hypothesis – Critical: 3
I believe that Evening/Night Review and Planning with recovery routine and timed routine is effective in analyzing today activities, create adjustment for future activities, and increase productivity for the next day by reducing the start of day task of need to plan.

Step 2 – Test – Cost: 1 – Reliability: 3
To verify, I will

  1. For 1 week: put the notes in this post (including sleep)
  2. Still using the blog though, cause book will also require me to bring the book everywhere
  3. Using a Interval Timer apps in iphone
  4. 45mins: The routine
    1. 10mins: Routine for restoring energy
      1. 5mins: Shower
      2. 2mins: Food/drink intake : Tea, VCO and Honey
      3. 3mins: Breathing (recovery routine?)
    2. 15mins: Review Today
      1. 5mins: Write down goal and sub goal
      2. 5mins: Write down activites from google calendar and memory
      3. 5mins: Evaluate & Adjust  (Obadaa – Observe, analyze, adjust, automate)
    3. 20mins: Plan fo next day:
      1. 5mins: big & small
      2. 10mins: task breakdown
      3. 5mins: Put in google calendar

Step 3 – Metric – Time Required: 2
And measure

  1. Energy Level after recovery routine
  2. Feeling of fulfilled: low 1 – 5 high
  3. Productivity (more things gets done): low 1 – 5 high
  4. Usefulness of Adjust and Automation decisions / actions
  5. Number of Adjust and Automation decisions / actions

Step 4 – Criteria
I am right if at the end of the test

  1. Energy Level >=4
  2. Feeling of effectiveness >=4
  3. Productivity >= 4
  4. Usefulness of Adjust and Automation decisions/actions >=4


Step 1 – Hypothesis 

I believe that ==Same with above==

Step 2 – Observation – Reliability: 1

I observed

Factor 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Energy Level  4  4  4 4 4 4 4
Feeling Fulfilled  4 4 4  4 4  4 4
Productivity  3 2 2  2  2  3  3
Useful Adjust/Automate  4 4 4  4  4 4  4
 # of Adjust/Automate 1  3 3 2 2  2 2

Time Journal

Activity Time Energy Level
(Working, +, -, Feel)
Cycle (Peak/Rest) Adjust & Automate
 Sat, Jul 8
  Update Blog  12-15, 3h  working, 1 routine & 1 draft, 1 report, when thinking and writing (i feel result)  lunch (gado-gado) thinking and writing goes hand in hand, always have the media to write (evernote, wordpress, paper, wiki)
   Sun, Jul 9
 church 10-12, 2h sleepy, due to low on fuel and new sleeping pattern (wake @4am) food+sleep really matters,
action: more focus on food
dosing around 12-19, 7h foggy and tired, bad lunch, bad sleep?, even after taking a nap action: midday recovery routine (nap, vco, tea, honey, coffee…)
browsing 19-21, 2h feel useless day,  finding alternatives loosen up routine, lead to nightmare on oversleeping action: loosen up routine (physical play? swim, with date’s friends)
 Mon, Jul 10
 Meeting 11-15, 4h focused for 2 hour, then hungry and getting distracted  action: bring emergency tea when on the road
 create report 18-19, 1h not quite the best condition, but completed the report and draft for new feature bad energy level due to skipping meal is bad, see the above adjustment
 sleep 1-8, 7h alarm not woring, messed up routine,  action: even on bad wake day, minimum routine can still be done: food and grateful / breath
  Tue, Jul 11
 SDP 13-19, 6h solved but less value stick to pareto factor
 Discuss online accounting & training  19-21, 2h ok priority reset, elearning informal meeting is more effective
 Wed, Jul 12
 Prospect hunting 10-12, 2h this is important! know your market & not your allocate enough time for knowing market and customer
Review with Annam 1h not effective, no documentation for task & progress Brief, notes and MOM in PM and tasks in PM
  Thu, Jul 13
 assessment bphn  7-11, 4h Frans not well prepared (sick)  ask when noticing downs
 lunch meeting ND  11-13, 2h  well, idea came through, in road
 meeting sdp  14-19, 5h communication feel normal documentation and clear to do
dinner with TOmy 19-22, 3h  limit time beforehand
   Fri, Jul 14


  1. Day 1
    1. if think then write = Result
  2. Day 2
    1. new routine list
  3. Day 3
  4. Day 4
  5. Day 5
    1. adjustment is gem by itself. Evaluate and adjust
  6. Day 6
  7. Day 7

Step 3 – Learnings and Insights – Action Required: 1

From that I learned that

  1. The review routine can be used not just at night, but also morning or other time
  2. The routine of taking warm tea, bath and breathing restore energy level, with the earliest provide more stronger effect
  3. The routine of reviewing goals, previous activities give boost the feeling of effectiveness due to constant self reminder and refocus to the goals and ensure all steps are aligned to goal
  4. Adjustment findings are most precious by itself, because Im forced to think and write down something that I need to do especially for non effective activities, just common sense adjustment but writing them down, made me to be more aware or deliberate in thinking proactively, rather than just feeling ineffective and doesnt think nor decide to stop or change the behaviour to effect the outcome
  5. Productivity are not affected, I am measuring from the amount of tasks gets done, but in term of importance I find that I succeed in completing most of the prioritized tasks. So is it efficient in term of the numbers of tasks or effective in completing the right tasks (doing right tjings VS doing things right).
  6. The routine to list task, prioritze and then break down tasks are effective with timer to avoid time creep followig the Parkinson’s Law.
  7. The timed routine are effective, I dont find problem in completing them even though the routine is more than 30 minutes long, once it started, I am chased down by the time to focus on completing them. Sometimes several routine are missed and I can just jump in to the required routine (skipping bath or breathing time). So timed detail tasks are effective to ensure focus and completion.
  8. I still had problem to start the task though, and there are several days when I dont start the timer, hence the finding that the routine can be done on morning or other time. 

Step 4 – Decision and Actions

Therefore, I will

  1. Rename this to be Daily Review Routine: Energy Recovery, Goals, Evaluate previous and adjust, plan next and breakdown
  2. Use the timed routine for other routine
  3. Possibility to break down the routine to smaller routines.