Dysfunctional Thoughts – 20180828 – On Feeling Stuck in Facing Overwhelming Work

Situation 

I have just finished some important part of the main projects:

  1. Solving mobile apps architecture
  2. Learn new programming language techniques and tools
  3. Write up coding from existing application
  4. Review another project closing notes

Right now, I’m feeling stuck,, probably because of yesterday realization when I review the project closing notes, it somehow register as defeat and we got nothing better ahead or things that are ahead require much heavy lifting to pull through also this is one of the time I can perceive how lack of direction/vision that my communication is (after quite sometime not communicating directly to the team). I felt that the team need a vision/direction for the company while I’m not giving it, or my direction is lackluster and doesn’t ignite any spark within them.

Pre – Emotion 

  1. Failure/worthless: 70%
  2. Overwhelmed: 40%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. I don’t have a great vision: personalization, labeling, jump to conclusion
  2. Things are hard to pull through: catastrophe,
  3. I can’t do it
  4. I can’t figure all the things out
  5. I am by myself and should keep it by myself
  6. No one to help me – at least at my level
  7. So what does it even mean, if I reach the goals then so what of about it
  8. Recognition?
  9. Recognition of my work, values, effort, results, … self from friends, enemies, … others (THIS) –
    1. I felt knot relieved when I acknowledge this,
    2. especially Recognition from enemies that had failed, attack or inhibit me,
    3. the drive to prove them wrong, not revenge,
    4. but to exert I’m better than you, enemies!
    5. PERSONALIZATION – it’s about me against them and it weights a lot against other factors, it’s the sinking factor that brought every others factors came down

Rational Thoughts

  1. Personalization of bad things happen to me and to get back –
    1. You don’t have to Recover by the way of how You lose it
    2. Life goes on, those that with you or against you whether they are deliberate or notnot
    3. focus on the one with you and especially the ones that made deliberate decision
    4. retrospectively least to no focus on those that against you and doing it deliberately
  2. I don’t have to succeed
    1. But I can spend my time and resources in trying them
    2. Learning along the way
    3. Work with others, try to put trust on others for my key resource deliberately, try to open up one step at a time

Post – Emotion

  1. Failure/worthless: 0%
  2. Overwhelmed: 10%

Conclusion / Cope

  1. Identified triggers of enemies and try to get things back to them is a huge sinking factor
  2. To cope: identify, stop and bless them – the high road – it’s better for you and them
  3. The other factor are just following factors from the sinking factors
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Cognitive Distortion

  1. Over generalization
    1. All or Nothing
    2. Catastrophe or Minimization
    3. Label and Mislabeling
    4. Mind Reading / Future
    5. Jump to Conclusion
    6. Should / shouldn’t
    7. Control
    8. Change
  2. Self
    1. Personalization
    2. Emotional Reasoning: I feel … therefore I …
    3. Mental Filter: Only the Negatives
    4. Discarding the Positives

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 2017 06 02 Not Relaxing in Vacation

Situation

I’m taking vacation and can’t get myself to relax, It felt something must be done, I need to do something, I got to be useful, Like I have to watch my back and make sure everything run well and efficient. While it not supposed to be like that

Emotion – Pre

  1. Anxious: 80%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. I need to be always alert, just in case – overgeneralization
  2. It will ruin my work if something happen – magnification
  3. I am not reliable – personalization
  4. I am not useful – overgeneralization and personalization
  5. I don’t have value – all or nothing
  6. I’ll be look down upon – personalization
  7. I’m not better than anyone else ?

Rational Thoughts

  1. I’m not better than anyone else – I have strengths and weaknesses
  2. What I will do are
    1. Just making a living
    2. Helping others
    3. There is a limit of what I can do
    4. But there are also so many possibilities that can be made in a life time

Emotion – Post

  1. Anxious: 50%

Cope

  1. When taking a holiday I need to put in place a protocol to make sure things run smoothly
    1. Emergency protocol exist but keep it to one channel only / one person
    2. The rests are delegated
  2. I am not the begin all and end all of my business,
    1. I am limited but with my team we can achieve great things together
    2. It is just a work, though I took pride in giving excellent service but it’s not the defining factor of my self worth
    3. My capacity though currently dominated by the current project, can be used for other purposes, it didn’t need to drain me out of other opportunities

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 2018 02 08 – On Connecting with Others

Situation

When thinking to contact others for courtesy or I need to do some courtesy before getting into business, I hesitated and felt a drag, reluctance, vain, doing something worthless

Emotion – Pre

Worthless – 75%
Avoidance – 60%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. What does it use? I should do something more important – All or nothing
  2. I am bad at courtesy and chitchat – All or nothing
  3. I don’t want to leave fake impression or being a bother for others – Mind reading
  4. Here goes something that I’m not good at and a burden for me – Mental Filter and Discarding Positives
  5. I am afraid they will reject me and confrontate me – Personalization
  6. I am afraid I say something stupid like some in the past, react or said something unappropriately – Generalization

Rational Thoughts

  1. Communicating, courtesy and chit chat may or may not be important, but they lead to better appreciation with others, understanding and connection, all of those are quite beneficial either in function or socially.
  2. I do enjoy having nice conversation and being able to connect with others and recognized, it might not lead to something practically useful but so are most of my activities.
  3. Well I am not top notch at communicating, I have mediocre skill and I want to practice from books that I read, if I made mistake then I am no different than everybody in the world, not perfect, made mistakes and be better is the choice that I want to make
  4. People do have their own time, condition, and situations which might make them react negatively when contacted, they are beyond my control, I can only approach with good will and bring positive, upbeat attitude hopefully to cheer or in anyway to have positive influence on them and back off if the time is not right, it’s not always about me. If it is I’ll try to dissolve them.

Emotion – Post

  1. Worthless – 15%
  2. Avoidance – 15%

Cope

  1. Start with good intention, upbeat and positives vibe when contacting others – being mindful of others signals
  2. Think about closing routine when communicating, unique and represent upbeat & positive vibes – leave a good trail. (For later thoughts)

Test #13: Occam’s Protocol to increase weight and muscle mass – Abandoned

TEST CARD

Title
Following Occam’s Protocol exercise and diet plan will increase body weight and muscle mass

Due Date / Duration
Sep 11 – Oct 9, 2017 / 4 week

Step 1 – Hypothesis – Critical: 3
I believe that following Occam’s Protocol of exercise and diet plan will increase body weight and muscle mass

Step 2 – Test – Cost: 2 – Reliability: 2
To verify, I will

  1. Follow exercise plan
    1. Join the gym, do the calibration first
    2. Workout A and Workout B (till 7 reps to fail) with variable resting time of 2 days to 3 days
  2. Using the following recipe
    1. Daily shake – half in the morning and half at afternoon
      3 cups 2% milk,
      30g whey protein,
      1 banana, and
      3 heaping tablespoons of sugarless almond butter
    2. Also I’ll take on muscle increase catering plan

Step 3 – Metric – Time Required: 1
And measure

  1. Weight daily
  2. Shake intake : 1 serving
  3. Diet meals serving : 1/2 serving
  4. Exercise
    1. Status: 1 fail – 2 moderate – 3 easy
    2. Type: A – B
    3. Weight: LP/30
  5. Stamina : 5 perfect

Step 4 – Criteria

I am right if at the end of the test

  1. Weight from 62 to 70
  2. Stamina increase

LEARNING CARD

Step 1 – Hypothesis 

I believe that ==Same with above==

Step 2 – Observation – Reliability: 1

I observed after taking the shake for 2-3 days with light workout, my body doesn’t react well, probably due to milk (lactose intolerant) or high protein (inflammation) and this test is stopped

WEEK 1

1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Weight
Shake intake
Diet meals
Exercise Status
Exercise Type
Exercise Weight
Stamina

Notes:

  1. Day 1
  2. Day 2
  3. Day 3
  4. Day 4
  5. Day 5
  6. Day 6
  7. Day 7

WEEK 2

1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Weight
Shake intake
Diet meals
Exercise Status
Exercise Type
Exercise Weight
Stamina

Notes:

  1. Day 1
  2. Day 2
  3. Day 3
  4. Day 4
  5. Day 5
  6. Day 6
  7. Day 7

WEEK 3

1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Weight
Shake intake
Diet meals
Exercise Status
Exercise Type
Exercise Weight
Stamina

Notes:

  1. Day 1
  2. Day 2
  3. Day 3
  4. Day 4
  5. Day 5
  6. Day 6
  7. Day 7

WEEK 4

1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Weight
Shake intake
Diet meals
Exercise Status
Exercise Type
Exercise Weight
Stamina

Notes:

  1. Day 1
  2. Day 2
  3. Day 3
  4. Day 4
  5. Day 5
  6. Day 6
  7. Day 7

Step 3 – Learnings and Insights – Action Required: 1

From that I learned that

Step 4 – Decision and Actions

Therefore, I will

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 20180325 – Lingering Stress All The Time due to Work Issues

Situation

  1. Due to work situation I feel stressed all the time, from waking up to sleep.
  2. No communication with the related client, stirred up the stress, the feeling of the unkown is the worst
  3. After some communication with client, the stress gradually reduced but still lingering.
  4. The stress I feel, made me feel I can’t do anything and overwhelmed
  5. After going to Sunday Church service, I am restored!

Emotion – Pre

  1. Overwhelmed – 90%
  2. Powerless/helpless – 90%
  3. Frustrated – 90%
  4. Fear – 90%
  5. Lethargy – 80%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. They’re scheming something against me: mind reading
  2. They want to take me down and oust us from the project: mind reading
  3. My Company will fold due to this: mind reading
  4. I fail: personalization
  5. I am worthless and cannot make something good out of myself: all or nothing
  6. People and myself will look down on me/myself: personalization, all or nothing
  7. I am useless, have no contribution, not useful, not valuable: all or nothing, personalization

Rational Thoughts

  1. My life are not determined by what happen on me, but on God’s will and plan – who have the Control on this? (from church)
  2. Those who believe won’t be disappointed, God will make use, make value and beneficial for Him and people (not just self) on those who put hope in Him (from church)
  3. To believe and decide based on that belief what my thoughts are and therefore what I feel.
  4. People can plot and proceed their plan, but like how I see so many things can break any well crafted plan, so will their plan and at the end of the day it’s God’s plan that will proceed. Whether it would look good or bad for me, it will be just a single event from so many events that will unfold and I have the assurance of having hope with God and believe that God work on All things to bring goodness, and His plan is plan of peace and hopeful for me and everyone.
  5. My worth is not determined by others, by my work, by what I think of myself, but by God’s will when I submit and follow Him.
  6. Do the best and leave the rest
  7. Worrying about the future won’t add a single miniscule step of my life

Emotion – Post

  1. Overwhelmed – 10%
  2. Powerless / helpless – 0%
  3. Frustrated – 0%
  4. Fear – 0%
  5. Lethargy – 0%

Cope

  1. Came back to the base of all, find worth and meaning in God, everything else are just the outward expressions and not the real thing.

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 20180320 – On Expecting Others to Meet Higher Standard

Situation

  1. I expect one of my team to step up on higher position, to take responsibility and finish the job
  2. I keep pushing them but they’re unable and both of us feel frustrated

Emotion – Pre

  1. Frustrated – 70%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. Why can’t he/she just do that? (Generalization)
  2. It is not that hard, it is quite simple (Minimization)
  3. Can’t they just concentrate? (Mind Reading)
  4. They cannot work properly (Generalization
  5. They are useless (All or Nothing)
  6. I am also useless (Personalization)

Rational Thoughts

  1. People have aptitude on certain things, they are good at one thing and bad at others
  2. There need to be a minimum standard and clear manual to do the job (the result and how to)
  3. If they cannot meet the minimum standard after sometime and provided training then the options are
    1. Change the process / manual to become easier
    2. Lower the standard
    3. Change / Re-position the person to another role

Emotion – Post

  1. Frustrated – 10%

Cope

  1. Nothing personal
  2. Set goal and minimum standard
  3. Provide manual of how to or support to develop manual
    1. personal support
    2. team support (work together)
    3. external support (consultant)
  4. Evaluate the result on the goal and minimum standard
    1. change, reposition or optimize

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 20180311 – Stressing Out on One Work

Situation

  1. One of my work that is currently having problem is making me stressed out.
  2. I feel annoyed, angry, frustrated and affecting the daily mood for several days till now

Emotion – Pre

  1. Frustration – 80%
  2. Anger – 80%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. I can’t solve this problem – Personalization
  2. They are so stubborn and irrational – Generalization
  3. I can’t talk to them – Generalization
  4. I can’t make them understand and cooperate with me – Mind reading, Generalization
  5. This will affect the project long term sustainability

Rational Thoughts

  1. This is team problem, I have my team, other stakeholder that are supportive
  2. They actually accomodative on several things, but some things that we do might be not what they expected to be. Need to align expectation and action plan
  3. I can always talk to them, I just need to arrange the schedule, maybe also with all related stakeholder, but I have to resolve one on one first before going to team discussion
  4. They can be cooperative but we need to find some commonground, I need to spend significant effort to identify what that is and align our work in it

Emotion – Post

  1. Frustration – 20%
  2. Anger – 5%

Cope

  1. People problem really have a heavy impact on me, I need to think in terms on people problem, not on technical problem solving which can be solved in mind only without communication.
  2. People problem need communication period!

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 20180308 – On Working everything By myself

Situation

  1. I feel I need to it myself, the others are too slow or will work unsatisfactory
  2. So I will take over the work myself or get frustrated and anxious waiting for others

Emotion – Pre

  1. Impatient – 90%
  2. Distrust – 70%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. Only I can do the best work – overgeneralization, magnification
  2. Others won’t or will be hard to understand what I want – overgeneralization
  3. They are too slow – overgeneralization
  4. I can’t produce fastly – all or nothing
  5. My work won’t be upto the standard – all or nothing
  6. Others will look down on me due to slow or poor quality – all or nothing, personalization, magnification

Rational Thoughts

  1. I am not the best, other can also produce better than I
  2. I became slow when I work everything by myself
  3. I must pick my task and enforce accountability and standards
  4. I need a routine to explain, make sure they understand and review

Emotion – Post

  1. Impatient – 40%
  2. Distrust – 40%

Cope

  1. Routine to explain, confirm and review periodically (not upon finish only)
  2. Prioritize

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 20180308 On not following Through Plan

Situation

  1. I have created plan and spend significant time and effort but then after plan completed, I feel reluctant to execute it.
  2. I liked the plan and feel accomplished on it but don’t want to do it or having doubt

Emotion – Pre

  1. Reluctance – 80%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. That is a good plan, well thought off, but I’m not sure it will pull off – All or nothing
  2. There are so many other aspect that can came through and break the plan – generalization, mind reading
  3. I will fail and the plan become useless – mind reading
  4. At least my accomplishment is create a good and reasonable plan – that is my success, and I don’t want to “risk” fail by executing it – all or nothing

Rational Thoughts

  1. There are no perfect plans but only executable plan, and its good enough compared to no plan at all
  2. Anything can happen that can ruin the plan, but not doing the plan is almost sure thing to let things go to chaos
  3. Fail is ok

Emotion – Post

  1. Reluctance – 50%

Cope

  1. Remember not doing anything is a sureway to chaos and not improving
  2. Great work didn’t get completed by doing nothing