Dysfunctional Thoughts: 20180829 – On stopping midway in Online Learning

Situation

When I watch online tutorial, I can’t follow till the end, either stopping midway or finding other distraction, the course that should only take 2 hours (speed up mode) can then take a whole day and sometimes not finished within one day. Some thoughts or factors that might cause the symptoms

  1. I didn’t get it /
    1. well, this is hard /
    2. I don’t get the big picture /
    3. I don’t get the why –
    4. I want to know the why not the how to make sure I can use it properly or modify it at my leisure
    5. I can’t stop and ask midway things that I didn’t understand
  2. Too much distraction available
    1. Playing video too fast
    2. Without following type as you watch
    3. This is boring and I need a moment of distraction
  3. I don’t eat enough – non keton condition – low energy / concentration
  4. It’s a video, so there are no Real people holding me accountable
  5. No process for following a course
    1. Watch only is not enough
    2. Not all material are relevant: some already understood, some are shallow
    3. When not understanding the topic: what to do, to ask to clarify, switch, notes

Pre – Emotion 

  1. Pride: 70% – Yeay, I understand this part lets celebrate that first
  2. Bored: 80% – I don’t get it, it should be faster, are there any better course/material

Automatic Thoughts

  1. Yeay, I understand this part lets celebrate that first – Maximization
  2. I don’t get it – all or nothing
  3. it should be faster – overgeneralization
  4. there any better course/material – ? not focus and clear criteria

Rational Thoughts

  1. Learning require intense focus and mastery do require time and focus, a little step is just little step that need next step to be meaningful
  2. Faster is not the objective, mastery and objective is
  3. I need process to manage the bored feeling
    1. skimming is good but video ?

Post – Emotion 

  1. Pride: 10% – it’s vain and require clear objective and progressive progress
  2. Bored: 20% – make sure there will be process for handling this

Conclusion & Cope

  1. Pride is just minor factor
  2. The main factor is bored which caused by feeling of excess capacity and trying to find other things to spend of the excess, therefore there need to be process / method to fill when learning

Online Video Learning Process: inconclusive

  1. Objective
  2. Prepare
  3. Review
    1. Mindmap
  4. In-Session – This is important
    1. Mind Map
  5. Short Review
  6. Conclusion and to do
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Dysfunctional Thoughts – 20180828 – On Feeling Stuck in Facing Overwhelming Work

Situation 

I have just finished some important part of the main projects:

  1. Solving mobile apps architecture
  2. Learn new programming language techniques and tools
  3. Write up coding from existing application
  4. Review another project closing notes

Right now, I’m feeling stuck, probably because of yesterday realization when I review the project closing notes, it somehow register as defeat and we got nothing better ahead or things that are ahead require much heavy lifting to pull through also this is one of the time I can perceive how lack of direction/vision that my communication is (after quite sometime not communicating directly to the team). I felt that the team need a vision/direction for the company while I’m not giving it, or my direction is lackluster and doesn’t ignite any spark within them.

Pre – Emotion 

  1. Failure/worthless: 70%
  2. Overwhelmed: 40%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. I don’t have a great vision: personalization, labeling, jump to conclusion
  2. Things are hard to pull through: catastrophe,
  3. I can’t do it
  4. I can’t figure all the things out
  5. I am by myself and should keep it by myself
  6. No one to help me – at least at my level
  7. So what does it even mean, if I reach the goals then so what of about it
  8. Recognition?
  9. Recognition of my work, values, effort, results, … self from friends, enemies, … others (THIS) –
    1. I felt knot relieved when I acknowledge this,
    1. especially Recognition from enemies that had failed, attack or inhibit me,
    1. the drive to prove them wrong, not revenge,
    1. but to exert I’m better than you, enemies!
    1. PERSONALIZATION – it’s about me against them and it weights a lot against other factors, it’s the sinking factor that brought every others factors came down

Rational Thoughts

  1. Personalization of bad things happen to me and to get back –
    1. You don’t have to Recover by the way of how You lose it
    1. Life goes on, those that with you or against you whether they are deliberate or notnot
    1. focus on the one with you and especially the ones that made deliberate decision
    1. retrospectively least to no focus on those that against you and doing it deliberately
  2. I don’t have to succeed
    1. But I can spend my time and resources in trying them
    1. Learning along the way
    1. Work with others, try to put trust on others for my key resource deliberately, try to open up one step at a time

Post – Emotion

  1. Failure/worthless: 0%
  2. Overwhelmed: 10%

Conclusion / Cope

  1. Identified triggers of enemies and try to get things back to them is a huge sinking factor
  2. To cope: identify, stop and bless them – the high road – it’s better for you and them
  3. The other factor are just following factors from the sinking factors

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 2017 06 02 Not Relaxing in Vacation

Situation

I’m taking vacation and can’t get myself to relax, It felt something must be done, I need to do something, I got to be useful, Like I have to watch my back and make sure everything run well and efficient. While it not supposed to be like that

Emotion – Pre

  1. Anxious: 80%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. I need to be always alert, just in case – overgeneralization
  2. It will ruin my work if something happen – magnification
  3. I am not reliable – personalization
  4. I am not useful – overgeneralization and personalization
  5. I don’t have value – all or nothing
  6. I’ll be look down upon – personalization
  7. I’m not better than anyone else ?

Rational Thoughts

  1. I’m not better than anyone else – I have strengths and weaknesses
  2. What I will do are
    1. Just making a living
    2. Helping others
    3. There is a limit of what I can do
    4. But there are also so many possibilities that can be made in a life time

Emotion – Post

  1. Anxious: 50%

Cope

  1. When taking a holiday I need to put in place a protocol to make sure things run smoothly
    1. Emergency protocol exist but keep it to one channel only / one person
    2. The rests are delegated
  2. I am not the begin all and end all of my business,
    1. I am limited but with my team we can achieve great things together
    2. It is just a work, though I took pride in giving excellent service but it’s not the defining factor of my self worth
    3. My capacity though currently dominated by the current project, can be used for other purposes, it didn’t need to drain me out of other opportunities

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 2018 02 08 – On Connecting with Others

Situation

When thinking to contact others for courtesy or I need to do some courtesy before getting into business, I hesitated and felt a drag, reluctance, vain, doing something worthless

Emotion – Pre

Worthless – 75%
Avoidance – 60%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. What does it use? I should do something more important – All or nothing
  2. I am bad at courtesy and chitchat – All or nothing
  3. I don’t want to leave fake impression or being a bother for others – Mind reading
  4. Here goes something that I’m not good at and a burden for me – Mental Filter and Discarding Positives
  5. I am afraid they will reject me and confrontate me – Personalization
  6. I am afraid I say something stupid like some in the past, react or said something unappropriately – Generalization

Rational Thoughts

  1. Communicating, courtesy and chit chat may or may not be important, but they lead to better appreciation with others, understanding and connection, all of those are quite beneficial either in function or socially.
  2. I do enjoy having nice conversation and being able to connect with others and recognized, it might not lead to something practically useful but so are most of my activities.
  3. Well I am not top notch at communicating, I have mediocre skill and I want to practice from books that I read, if I made mistake then I am no different than everybody in the world, not perfect, made mistakes and be better is the choice that I want to make
  4. People do have their own time, condition, and situations which might make them react negatively when contacted, they are beyond my control, I can only approach with good will and bring positive, upbeat attitude hopefully to cheer or in anyway to have positive influence on them and back off if the time is not right, it’s not always about me. If it is I’ll try to dissolve them.

Emotion – Post

  1. Worthless – 15%
  2. Avoidance – 15%

Cope

  1. Start with good intention, upbeat and positives vibe when contacting others – being mindful of others signals
  2. Think about closing routine when communicating, unique and represent upbeat & positive vibes – leave a good trail. (For later thoughts)

Test #13: Occam’s Protocol to increase weight and muscle mass – Abandoned

TEST CARD

Title
Following Occam’s Protocol exercise and diet plan will increase body weight and muscle mass

Due Date / Duration
Sep 11 – Oct 9, 2017 / 4 week

Step 1 – Hypothesis – Critical: 3
I believe that following Occam’s Protocol of exercise and diet plan will increase body weight and muscle mass

Step 2 – Test – Cost: 2 – Reliability: 2
To verify, I will

  1. Follow exercise plan
    1. Join the gym, do the calibration first
    2. Workout A and Workout B (till 7 reps to fail) with variable resting time of 2 days to 3 days
  2. Using the following recipe
    1. Daily shake – half in the morning and half at afternoon
      3 cups 2% milk,
      30g whey protein,
      1 banana, and
      3 heaping tablespoons of sugarless almond butter
    2. Also I’ll take on muscle increase catering plan

Step 3 – Metric – Time Required: 1
And measure

  1. Weight daily
  2. Shake intake : 1 serving
  3. Diet meals serving : 1/2 serving
  4. Exercise
    1. Status: 1 fail – 2 moderate – 3 easy
    2. Type: A – B
    3. Weight: LP/30
  5. Stamina : 5 perfect

Step 4 – Criteria

I am right if at the end of the test

  1. Weight from 62 to 70
  2. Stamina increase

LEARNING CARD

Step 1 – Hypothesis 

I believe that ==Same with above==

Step 2 – Observation – Reliability: 1

I observed after taking the shake for 2-3 days with light workout, my body doesn’t react well, probably due to milk (lactose intolerant) or high protein (inflammation) and this test is stopped

WEEK 1

1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Weight
Shake intake
Diet meals
Exercise Status
Exercise Type
Exercise Weight
Stamina

Notes:

  1. Day 1
  2. Day 2
  3. Day 3
  4. Day 4
  5. Day 5
  6. Day 6
  7. Day 7

WEEK 2

1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Weight
Shake intake
Diet meals
Exercise Status
Exercise Type
Exercise Weight
Stamina

Notes:

  1. Day 1
  2. Day 2
  3. Day 3
  4. Day 4
  5. Day 5
  6. Day 6
  7. Day 7

WEEK 3

1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Weight
Shake intake
Diet meals
Exercise Status
Exercise Type
Exercise Weight
Stamina

Notes:

  1. Day 1
  2. Day 2
  3. Day 3
  4. Day 4
  5. Day 5
  6. Day 6
  7. Day 7

WEEK 4

1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Weight
Shake intake
Diet meals
Exercise Status
Exercise Type
Exercise Weight
Stamina

Notes:

  1. Day 1
  2. Day 2
  3. Day 3
  4. Day 4
  5. Day 5
  6. Day 6
  7. Day 7

Step 3 – Learnings and Insights – Action Required: 1

From that I learned that

Step 4 – Decision and Actions

Therefore, I will

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 20180402 – On Conflict with Client

Situation

  1. I’m in a conflict with client and I’m to withdraw our service until our demand is met.
  2. It’s excruciating, I feel a knot in my stomach, waiting for responses and not being the easy pushover as before
  3. I am confused between just meet their demand like before or just stand ground till consensus reached

Emotion – Pre

  1. Anxious – 100%
  2. Feeling of uncertainty – 90%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. What happen if everybody get angry at me? Mind Reading, Personalization,
    1. They’ll lash out on me: Personalize
    2. They’ll demand us to work: Mind Reading
    3. I get vilified by client and donor: Magnifying
    4. They will think I’am incompetent: Personalization
    5. I’ll loose their respect: Magnifying, Personalization
    6. I am not good enough: Personalization
    7. I don’t have any use or any value: Over generalization
  2. They’ll cut off our work and payment: This is rational
    1. Not enough money for payroll and expenses

Rational Thoughts

  1. Angry
    1. They already did and express it with so many behavior toward us
    2. Me and team are already vilified by the client, but hopefully not so with the donor, I think they understand our situation but also powerless or don’t have any idea on how to restore things up.
    3. They respect me, they actually kinda afraid / reluctant in treating me bad personally
  2. Cut off
    1. They already did by delaying progress report
    2. And they think the progress report is their leverage

Emotion – Post

  1. Anxious – 100%
  2. Feeling of uncertainty – 90%

Cope

  1. Act professionally and don’t put myself in the line, it’s just business
  2. We have what they want, start negotiating
  3. Withdrawing service from client and donor is an option
  4. Limit the risk related to payment, demand clearance or guarantee from donor but do it tactfully.

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 20180325 – Lingering Stress All The Time due to Work Issues

Situation

  1. Due to work situation I feel stressed all the time, from waking up to sleep.
  2. No communication with the related client, stirred up the stress, the feeling of the unkown is the worst
  3. After some communication with client, the stress gradually reduced but still lingering.
  4. The stress I feel, made me feel I can’t do anything and overwhelmed
  5. After going to Sunday Church service, I am restored!

Emotion – Pre

  1. Overwhelmed – 90%
  2. Powerless/helpless – 90%
  3. Frustrated – 90%
  4. Fear – 90%
  5. Lethargy – 80%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. They’re scheming something against me: mind reading
  2. They want to take me down and oust us from the project: mind reading
  3. My Company will fold due to this: mind reading
  4. I fail: personalization
  5. I am worthless and cannot make something good out of myself: all or nothing
  6. People and myself will look down on me/myself: personalization, all or nothing
  7. I am useless, have no contribution, not useful, not valuable: all or nothing, personalization

Rational Thoughts

  1. My life are not determined by what happen on me, but on God’s will and plan – who have the Control on this? (from church)
  2. Those who believe won’t be disappointed, God will make use, make value and beneficial for Him and people (not just self) on those who put hope in Him (from church)
  3. To believe and decide based on that belief what my thoughts are and therefore what I feel.
  4. People can plot and proceed their plan, but like how I see so many things can break any well crafted plan, so will their plan and at the end of the day it’s God’s plan that will proceed. Whether it would look good or bad for me, it will be just a single event from so many events that will unfold and I have the assurance of having hope with God and believe that God work on All things to bring goodness, and His plan is plan of peace and hopeful for me and everyone.
  5. My worth is not determined by others, by my work, by what I think of myself, but by God’s will when I submit and follow Him.
  6. Do the best and leave the rest
  7. Worrying about the future won’t add a single miniscule step of my life

Emotion – Post

  1. Overwhelmed – 10%
  2. Powerless / helpless – 0%
  3. Frustrated – 0%
  4. Fear – 0%
  5. Lethargy – 0%

Cope

  1. Came back to the base of all, find worth and meaning in God, everything else are just the outward expressions and not the real thing.

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 20180320 – On Expecting Others to Meet Higher Standard

Situation

  1. I expect one of my team to step up on higher position, to take responsibility and finish the job
  2. I keep pushing them but they’re unable and both of us feel frustrated

Emotion – Pre

  1. Frustrated – 70%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. Why can’t he/she just do that? (Generalization)
  2. It is not that hard, it is quite simple (Minimization)
  3. Can’t they just concentrate? (Mind Reading)
  4. They cannot work properly (Generalization
  5. They are useless (All or Nothing)
  6. I am also useless (Personalization)

Rational Thoughts

  1. People have aptitude on certain things, they are good at one thing and bad at others
  2. There need to be a minimum standard and clear manual to do the job (the result and how to)
  3. If they cannot meet the minimum standard after sometime and provided training then the options are
    1. Change the process / manual to become easier
    2. Lower the standard
    3. Change / Re-position the person to another role

Emotion – Post

  1. Frustrated – 10%

Cope

  1. Nothing personal
  2. Set goal and minimum standard
  3. Provide manual of how to or support to develop manual
    1. personal support
    2. team support (work together)
    3. external support (consultant)
  4. Evaluate the result on the goal and minimum standard
    1. change, reposition or optimize

Dysfunctional Thoughts: 20180314 – On Feeling Powerless

Situation

  1. Feeling powerless when facing current problem especially when relying on others in critical condition that need fast and accurate responses
  2. I feel just want to stop and do nothing, to let it slide

Emotion – Pre

  1. Helpless/powerless: 90%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. They can’t provide fast and accurate responses like me – generalization
  2. My work result will be terrible – generalization
  3. I am seen as a failure for not providing desired solution – personalization
  4. I am not worthy – personalization and generalization

Rational Thoughts

  1. They can sometimes, but they need training and routine
  2. Not always
  3. My worth are not my work

Emotion – Post

  1. Helpless/powerless: 70%

Cope

  1. It’s not about me, need to learn to rely on others