Dysfunctional Thoughts: 2018 02 18 – On Expectation on Children


Anger, disappointment and contempt when dealing with children with performance under expectation, the thoughts leads to negatives actions, subtle and front action

Emotion – Pre

  1. Disappointment: 80%
  2. Anger: 85%

Automatic Thoughts

  1. Why can’t he figure that out after being … ? (Explained, trained several times, repeated, …) – Control, Generalization. Magnification
  2. How can he cope later when he grow up and performing sub par? – Crystal Ball?
  3. If he fail then I failed? – Personalization
  4. Why should he succeed? We should all succeed, we as me and my family – Should?

Rational Thoughts

  1. Generalization
    1. He did understand other fields, just not strong on the logic field
    2. He did understand after several repetition on those fields he is not accustomed with, he got good grades after trying so hard
    3. He did try to learn and even show self correcting on his failures
    4. He is strong in memorizing languages and had extensive vocabulary, relentless effort are a big PLUS
    5. He is tidy and clean and follow rules
  2. Magnification
    1. Just several fields not all of them, there are so many aspects of life where people even succeed, 90% of them are not logic type and have stellar performance but manage to pull through life
  3. Control & Personalization
    1. By being angry and try to control him, I won’t change him, I just force him to do things which are not effective
    2. His life is his life, I can only support and spend effort on training and directing him, the rest is his will and decission
    3. His performance whether good or bad doesn’t affected me directly, though it would make me proud if he can do great things, but even if he failed then it is okay, human and myself failed from time to time and it is the get up and try again that matters not just the ups nor the down
  4. Should
    1. I can’t even guarantee my own life will be successful, how can I guarantee others, even though I care for them, they are beyond my control.
    2. What is the measure of success that I want him to achieve? Smart, eloquent, bright, witty? He have some of them but not the others, myself included, the other kids included. Success when I can understand about myself and grow myself, developing on strength and reducing weakness are nice to have but it should be #999, #1 is exploring strength and #2 cultivating strength

Emotion – Post

  1. Disappointment: 0%
  2. Anger: 0%


  1. #1 Eye in on strength and spend the largest effort on cultivating them
  2. Appreciate him as a person with multidimensional capacity and whole wide of fields are open before him
  3. #999 – On weaknesses tolerate and perform the routine for repetition, don’t sweat it, different people have different way some fast some slow, some repeat

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