I read 2 books, profound ones. First is the book about negotiation by Chris Voss and Feeling Good by David Burns, they both help me resolve my pressing and immediate problems. Thank God, for them, I gain a lot in handling communication with others and handling the internal communication within myself, both has been under pressure for quite some time.
They introduce practical, easy to use and the most important part “effective” in showing result not in a hacky short term way, but robust in gaining immediate result and survivable for long term use.
Never Split The Differences:
- Start with No
- That’s right, NOT You’re right, NOT I understand
- Accusation audit: say it yourself instead of by accusers
- Calibrated questions: What and how, NEVER Why, How can I do that?
- Tactical Emphaty: Label feelings, Mirroring, paraphrasing, show the way
- Find the black swan
- Cognitive Dissonance
- Thoughts cause Emotion cause Behaviour and then self enforcing
- Emotion, find the Automatic thoughts, find Cognitive Dissonance, counter with Rational Thoughts, Cope
- Addiction: List all Benefits, Visualize achieving Benefits (Feeling rich ahead of time, is the counter example, you get loose and goes spend thrift, you change)
- Identify the Thoughts and Talkback
- Action First, Motivation Second
- Pleasure and Mastery activity planning and Target VS Actual scoring
The cognitive dissonance
- All or Nothing
- Mental Filter: see only the negatives
- Discarding Positives
- Emotional reasoning
- Mind reading